


Desperation at Castle Black; or, Who Needs Opposable Thumbs, Anyway?

by dustandroses



Series: Opposable Thumbs [2]
Category: Dragaera - Steven Brust
Genre: Ficlet, Humor, MMoM 2011, Masturbation, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 03:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustandroses/pseuds/dustandroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>At Loiosh's age, he should be properly mated, with a brood of his own. Not that he wanted the responsibility, jhereg mated for life, after all. Vlad kept him busy; besides, who wanted to be tied down to that kind of life when he could be working for a witch with a reputation as a deadly assassin, living a life of danger and intrigue.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperation at Castle Black; or, Who Needs Opposable Thumbs, Anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Merry Month of Masturbation 2011, Day 27.
> 
> The second half of the title is a self-reference to last year's MMoM prompted DragaeraVerse fic, in which Loiosh and Vlad discuss [_The Advantages of Opposable Thumbs_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/92222) during masturbation. However, it is certainly not necessary to have read that story to read this one.
> 
> The story takes place early in Vlad's career as an assassin.
> 
> As in the books, all psionic conversation will be in _italics_. In this instance, that means when Loiosh speaks to Vlad, his half of the conversation (which takes place in Vlad's head) will be in _italics_.
> 
>    
> For those not familiar with Steven Brust's Dragaera novels, a very short intro to Vlad and Loiosh:
> 
> Vlad Taltos is a witch as well as an assassin. He has a familiar called Loiosh. (That's pronounced 'Loy' as in boy, osh as in 'oh, shit' - without the 'it' on the end.) Loiosh is a jhereg, a creature much like a dragon in shape, but much, much smaller. His wingspan is no wider than the length of Vlad's arm. He sits perched on Vlad's shoulder a fair amount of the time, and he's picked up a couple of bad habits from Vlad. First off, he calls Vlad "Boss," which is what Vlad calls his employer. And second, they've both got a really nasty sense of humor.

Loiosh studied the dragon carefully, changing locations occasionally to get a different point of view, sizing her up the way Vlad had taught him. She was definitely worth the effort, beautiful, regal, sleek and polished. She stared at him haughtily, as if he wasn’t even worth the effort to look away in boredom. She was perfect in every detail. Loiosh was in love. Okay, so maybe he was in lust, but to a guy like him, it was all the same.

At his age, he should be properly mated, with a brood of his own. Not that he wanted the responsibility, jhereg mated for life, after all. Vlad kept him busy, and besides, who wanted to be tied down to that kind of life when he could be working for a witch with a reputation as a deadly assassin, living a life of danger and intrigue. These days, Loiosh rubbed elbows, as it were, with the elite of Dragaeran society, and was a known associate of both the heir to the Dragon Throne and the legendary Sethra Lavode.

He’d been over Deathsgate Falls, and lived to tell the tale. He risked his life on a regular basis to help Vlad build his territory and establish himself as a force to be reckoned with in the Jhereg. Don’t forget the fact that if it wasn’t for Loiosh, Vlad would never earn enough money to get laid in the style to which he had become…wait. What was his point, here? Oh yeah. He was a lot like Vlad; he didn’t want a mate, he just wanted to get laid.

Instead, here he was, stuck in Castle Black until their job was finished. Not like it was all bad, he got freshly killed teckla every day and the respect of Morrolan and his household, who treated Loiosh like he was an honored guest, not merely the familiar of a witch who occasionally freelanced for Morollan. Loiosh’s eye followed the outline of his new dragon friend. It might not always be easy working for the Boss, but the rewards occasionally outweighed the efforts expended. What the hell, he wasn’t getting any back in Adrilankha, he might as well give it a try up here.

The Boss finished dressing and stood up, looking at Loiosh expectantly. Time to go to work.

“You finished staring at that thing, yet? C’mon. It will still be here when you get back.”

 _Hey, watch it. You’re talking about the lady I love._

Vlad shook his head, laughing. “Shut up, Loiosh.”

 _Right back at ‘cha, boss._

Sighing, Loiosh hopped down off the wardrobe and onto Vlad’s shoulder, leaving his lovely lady with regret. Maybe he could duck back in while Vlad and Morollan discussed strategy with Aliera and Sethra after dinner. That would give him some time alone with her, to try and win her over. If she was anything like a female jhereg, she wouldn’t be easy to woo, but if there was anything he’d learned from Vlad over the years, it was how to get a female exactly where he wanted them.

He glanced behind him as Vlad walked out of the room. She stood tall, arrogant, and remarkably lifelike, perched proudly on her post at the foot of the extravagantly luxurious bed. Proud and arrogant: he liked that in a female. And she was just the right size, too, as if she and her three counterparts had been carved with this horny jhereg in mind. Depend on Morollan to have the perfect accessory for every need. Well, Loiosh was desperately in need. With any luck, he’d get what he was desperate for tonight. What the hell, if she wouldn’t put out, she had three sisters. One way or the other, tonight he was getting laid.


End file.
